


5 Ways John and Rodney Never Got Married

by chellefic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: 5 Things, Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-30
Updated: 2005-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-31 21:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellefic/pseuds/chellefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Ways John and Rodney Never Got Married

"Let's get married."

"Let's not."

Rodney rolled onto his stomach and rested his chin on John's stomach, digging in uncomfortably. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to get married."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't."

"Why?"

"Because."

"What are you, twelve?"

"No, I’m an almost forty year old man who doesn't want to get married. Ever."

"Why?"

"If I'm twelve, you're five."

"You're almost forty. I'd think you would want to get married at your age."

"Why? Is my biological clock ticking?"

Rodney rolled onto his back. "I think mine is."

"If I blow you, will it stop?"

"It might."

John took all of Rodney's cock into his mouth in one long swallow.

***

"We should get married."

"Why?"

"Because then we could get shared quarters and a real bed."

John rested his chin on the edge of the bed and looked down at Rodney, sprawled naked on the floor. "Or we could just requisition a bigger bed."

***

"The high priest says that you must get married," Teyla said, looking at John and Rodney.

John stroked his P-90 absently. "No."

"The ceremony is the only way to purify the temple."

"No."

"Colonel," Rodney said urgently, looking at the ring of spears pointed at the two of them. He lowered his voice. "It won't mean anything. It's not like it'll actually matter when we get back to Atlantis. There won't even be a license."

"I am not getting married."

The priest spoke again and John watched Teyla listen and nod.

"There is another way," she said when the priest stopped talking.

"See," John said to Rodney.

"It's an older ritual, one which predates the marriage ceremony." Teyla paused. "You'll have to have sex."

John nodded sharply. "Fine."

"Fine," Rodney squeaked. "What do you mean fine?"

"The entire priesthood will watch. It is part of the ceremony," Teyla said.

"I am not having public sex," Rodney said, shaking his head. "Absolutely not."

John turned to face him. "I'll bottom."

"Okay."

***

"I'm afraid the results are conclusive," Carson said. "Rodney's pregnant."

John crossed his arms. "I'm not marrying him."

***

"If you won't marry me, I'm not putting out."

John came out of the bathroom and looked at the naked man sitting in his bed, arms folded across his chest. Removing his toothbrush from his mouth, he said, "You have heard the term 'cutting off your nose to spite your face,' right?" Then he turned and went back into the bathroom.

When he finished brushing his teeth and slid into the bed, Rodney's hand immediately found its way to John's dick. "I thought you weren't going to put out?"

"I'm changing tactics."

"Isn't this what they call getting the milk for free?" John asked.

Rodney pulled his hand away with a sigh and rolled onto his side, his back to John.

Shifting, John rested his chin on Rodney's shoulder. "Why do you want to get married?"

Rodney didn't answer and when he did the words were more muttered than spoken. "I want the commitment."

Wrapping his arm around Rodney's waist, John kissed his shoulder. "You have it. I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with you."

"So why won't you marry me?" Rodney asked turning onto his back.

"Because I want to wake up every day and know that you're with me because you choose to be, not because some piece of paper says you have to be."

Rodney cupped John's cheek in his hand. "I thought I was the one with issues."

"Yeah, well…"

Dropping his hand, Rodney asked, "What if some day you don't choose to be with me?"

"I'm taking the same chance."

Rodney snorted softly and John kissed him. "I am. You could end it just as easily as I could."

"Sure I could. If I didn't worship the ground you walk on."

"That's what you were doing in the hall this morning. I wondered." John grinned, but it faded when Rodney glared at him. There was uncertainty beneath the glare. "You're the best thing in my life," John said. "That isn't going to change."

"What if it does?"

"If it does, we'll survive."

"But we won't be together."

"No." John nuzzled the side of his neck, kissing it before drawing back and looking directly into Rodney's eyes. "Right now, I can't imagine my life without you in it. That's the best I can offer."

Rodney swallowed. "Then I guess it'll have to be enough."


End file.
